Blaise Pascal, my bud.
This is a post that is more for me than really for my readers, so, uh, sorry.
I have a past. Most people do. My past is one of those “conversion stories”. My life was all messed up, then I started following Christ and some miraculous (to me) things happened. I also started learning from my bad choices, rather than just feeling dumb and not being able to make sense of it. Also, my choices became considerably less self-destructive than before.
Notice I didn’t say that suddenly everything was perfect. However, it was like a light was turned on in the dark room of my life.
Now, before I became a Christian, I thought Christians were “weak, feeble-minded, and always trying to convert other folks.” Not because I had met so many other Christians like that, but because I just sort of “absorbed” that negative stereotype.
When I became a Christian, there was one thing that I found resoundingly true. Along with Mere Christianity, this idea sat at the heart of the Christianity question and in part caused me to go down the path of seeking after Christ.
This thing was that even if my whole life I was a Christian, and then I died everyone in the afterlife laughed at me and said “Sucker!”, I knew that a life lived pursuing the teachings of Christ would be happier, more joyful to one without him. So I could shrug and say “So? I would do it the same way all over again.” Simply, my life would be better as a Christian than not.
I said that it was a part of what sent me seeking after Christ, because the other part was I felt like Christ was also seeking after my heart. Knocking on the door.
And here I thought I was the first one to think this thought, not knowing that this guy said it a looong time ago.
What I didn’t know though, was that becoming Christian opened my mind to things which it was previously closed off. I didn’t realize that just shutting out Christianity as I had before was really a huge closed-mindedness in itself. And I thought I was “enlightened” in rejecting that big bad Christianity.
Now, I still have some semblance of relationship with a few of the folks I was young with, before I began my journey seeking after Christ. Most of them are still quite disgusted with Christians, though I can’t get any real answers out of them about why (though I know Christianity has caused a fair share of ills in the world). So I leave it be. I can only assume they just think Christians are losers, just cause.
Almost 20 years later, I don’t regret the path I took, it has been possibly one of the best decisions I have made in this life.