I am at the end of my first trimester of pregnancy. I still have not seen a doctor, because doctors, particularly female ones are hard to come by in a small town. To make my desires more specific, I was hoping to be able to see a family practitioner, but the one that this town has works like 15 hours a week. Next Tuesday I will see the doctor.
It is difficult not having heard a heartbeat of this child, as it is hard to feel baby is so real. It is easy to focus on the logistic issues that will have to be dealt with, and to lose the real joy that needs to accompany this kind of event. It is interesting to see other people’s responses to the news. I really appreciate the joyful responses, because I need to be reminded that this baby is an anticipated blessing, and that really, everything is going to be ok. The flatlines or no responses are strange to meet. How can a baby be anything but a huge huge reason to smile and be joyful?
I guess it reminds me of all the experiences I have ever had giving people good news. How they responded often informed me about them more than anything else. For example, what can you think when you tell someone about a great new job, but they point out negatives? People at work are mostly flatline about my pregnancy. Family members tend to be joyful, but I have had a couple meet the news with indifference or sort of “How nice for you” and a quick change of subject. These responses make me not want to tell anyone.
There is always a contingent for whom the baby is an apparition until it is born, then less of an apparition, but not fully real until the child begins to interact with them.
In other news, A friend of ours gave me a guitar to give J for his birthday. I went to the guitar shop to restring it and have it fixed up. I was very excited to give it to him, and he spent the whole evening on it…I hope he increases in interest with time even. There is something about starting something new in life that really feels very exciting. Sort of like a new little daffodil after a long winter.
I think this gift was about as exciting to give as it was for him to receive….