Silly Heroes

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When I was about oh, young, my mom the seamstress made me my coveted and much awaited Wonder Woman costume for Halloween.

Well, she almost did. She told me I couldn’t wear the underpants as tight as that and go prancing around the neighborhood, because it would surely be cold. And I would have to wear a sweater, because she was not sending her young daughter out in anything that was strapless. I was under 10.

I was really disappointed. I had envisioned me, a little like a cross between “Little Miss Sunshine” and “Napoleon Dynamite” because I had me some ferocious buck teeth, lassoing people with my magic truth lasso and I had practiced dodging bullets with my silver bracelets.

So instead of being the Wonder Woman that I was inside, I was a shmaltzy cheerleader, which I had never wanted to be, but at least I was warm. And my costume kicked booty over the witches, all 3000 of them in our small neighborhood that Halloween.

Except for LH. When we arrived at her house to pick her up, she was a very big parka with the fuzzies and the hood and everything. She had little rosy cheeks.

“Lynn, what are you?”
“I’m Admiral Byrd!”
“Whozzat?”
“He discovered the South Pole,”
“Oooooh.” K and I said in unison.

Poor Lynn. She was brutally made fun of all through school, particularly when she went goth in high school. But I digress.

Wonder Woman. I am glad they gave the little girls a few superheroes. Wonder Woman was beautiful and strong and she made people tell the truth! I can be the first two, but I will never be able to dodge bullets, fly around in a glass plane (which I always thought was very hokey, but I still believed) and make people tell the truth. Now that’s a superpower.

I never thought much of the Bionic woman, until I met Anna. Anna worked at a large coffee retailer with me in the college years. She had a self confidence as a young person that I wished I could have manifested. Anna had grown up in South Africa, and she was always hip and stylin. She had the most phenom ugly shirt collection. I have been tempted many a time to start one of my own, but couldn’t afford one in the early years, and now can’t make myself do something so frivolous. Maybe I will do it if I have a midlife crisis, rather than buying a Maserati.

Anyway, Anna was pretty amazingly obsessed with the Bionic Woman. And she was a fount of Bionic wisdom. She knew every detail about Oscar, the Bionic Woman, her teaching and her amazing abilities. She made a fanzine about the Bionic Woman (because she was dating a Kinko’s employee and so it was all free, except the amazing amount of time she poured into the stupid, er, interesting thing). I bought one. I read it too.

But Anna went a little far for me when she started getting tattoos of bionics on her arm and stomach and stuff. I started to wonder if she was dropping acid or something. Seemed like alot of the folk at that coffee retailer were kinda kooky like that.

Anyway, I grew in my knowledge and general awareness of the Bionic Woman through this Anna and so the Bionic Woman also make the list. She seems pretty cool, a teacher and all. After all, Lindsey Wagner did graduate from the high school where I been teaching, so she must be pretty alright!

So, readers, who is your favorite silly superhero?

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Mrs. T says:

    I liked Samantha on “Bewitched”. She was pretty, she was sassy, she was sexy and she stood up for witches’ rights. She could twitch her nose and go to Paris and come home in time for dinner. I know she’s technically not a superhero, but she was my speed

  2. happychyck says:

    I wanted to be Morticia Adams. She has some great qualities, right?But when I was really young, I adored Wonder Woman. I was constantly spinning around trying to change into my super hero costume. I fell and somehow bit/cut the skin under my tongue. Illusion shattered.

  3. Adeline says:

    I like Samantha too. That was, until the neighbor girl who went to church every sunday and couldn’t come out to play told me that witchcreft was from the devil and that she wasn’t allowed to watch things that made the devil look good.Hm. I sure hope my child is different from that, though I guess I do understand, it just made me feel a little like I was an underling when I was little.

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