Step (Mom)


The past couple weeks have been not really normal. In a way good, like pure summer. No chores allowed really. No errands. Nothing that was remotely resembling drudgery.

We had 2 pretty special visitors. My husbands kids.

We did alot of stuff. Alot of bike riding. Alot of time at parks, backyard volleyball, smores over our fire pit, family meals, swimming, excursions, crafty stuff, matinees. Oy. I wonder to myself “Will they be able to go home and say it was boring?”. After these 2 weeks, I don’t think so.

Stepmom is not a title most people relish. Trepidation is the main, predominating feeling I have towards that word. J and I have in the past had moments, clarifying roles, motivations and points of view. We see things differently, but I am grateful that by and large we approach the whole thing with empathy towards each other.

And the kids are good. They are good kids. I feel like I hardly know them, even after knowing them for 5 years, and I say that knowing that good kids, even the best kids, are still kids. And that means normal kid behavior.

The more time we have with them, the more normal it feels to have them around. It is our hope to establish familiarity with our family, as much is possible with kids we get to see about 3 weeks a year. They are a 30 hour drive away. Laws are such that mom can move them where ever she wishes. And their mom does. She also changes their last name to suit the current man in the house. But I won’t go any further with that. It is illegal, but there is next to nothing we can do to stop her.

I won’t accept the feeling that “step” anything is somehow “lesser”, or “bad”, or infers some misbehavior or lack of goodness. The way I have been taught, family is family, and these kids are family, and we show them nothing but love. My stepmom is awesome.  I want to break that mold of bad step parenting, I think people expect less of themselves because that stigma exists.

Attached are pics…
messing around in the back yard

down at the east bank esplanade

the statues

With S jumping everywhere it was like the photographic olympics, can I catch these action shots at low light? By and large the answer was no. This one came out okay only because of the flash.



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2 Comments Add yours

  1. happychyck says:

    It’s nice that you had such a good time. Only 3 weeks a year is rough!I like your sentiments about being a stepmom. I’ve been one for 5 years, but last year I became the primary mom to them when they came to live with us. There is that stigma about not being the real mom or being good enough. Part of it is in my head, while some is out in the world in which we live, and of course I sometimes hear it from the kids. One of them accepts me as the every day mom, but the other, strangely it is the one who never knew his parents together as he was a baby when they split, struggles with my role every day.Your attitude toward being a stepmom is encouraging!

  2. Adeline says:

    happychyck-same thing here, the younger one seems (who was 2 when the divorce occurred) has the same response…a sort of “why do we have to go visit them again?” feeling, not understanding. I can understand how she feels.and in divorce, what a losing proposition. it is the kids that really get the raw end really, because they had no choice in any of it.

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