You know you have been in russia too long when…
31. You drink the brine from empty pickle jars.
30. You know more than 60 Olgas.
29. You put the empty bottle of wine on the floor in a restaurant.
28. You wear a wool hat and slippers in the sauna.
27. You are rude to people at the airport for no reason.
26. You are curious as to when they might start exporting Baltika beer to your home country.
25. You remember how many kilos you weigh – but forget how many pounds.
24. The elevator aroma seems reassuring somehow.
23. You no longer think washing clothes in the bathtub is an inconvenience.
22. You can heat water on the stove and shower with it in under 10 minutes.
21. A weekend anywhere in the Baltics qualifies as a trip to the West.
20. You sit in silence with your eyes shut for a few moments before leaving on any long journey.
19. You never smile in public when you’re alone.
18. You know the official at the metro station/airport/border post/post office/railway station etc. etc. is going to say “nyet”, but you argue anyway.
17. When the word “salad” ceases for you to have anything to do with lettuce.
16. When mayonnaise becomes your dressing of choice.
15. You get excited when the dentist smiles and has all his own teeth.
14. You laugh at Russian jokes and you actually get these jokes.
13. You have to think twice about throwing away any jar.
12. You carry a plastic shopping bag with you “just in case”.
11. You say he/she is “on the meeting” (instead of “at the” or “in a” meeting).
10. You argue with a taxi driver about a fare of 30 rubles ($2) to go 2 kilometers in a blizzard.
9. You are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga car.
8. You answer the phone by saying “allo, allo, allo” before giving the caller a chance to respond.
7. You win a shoving match with an old Babushka for a place in line and you are proud of it.
6. You look at people’s shoes to determine where they are from.
5. You go mushroom and berry picking out of necessity instead of recreation.
4. You change into tapki (slippers) and wash your hands as soon as you walk into your apartment.
3 You can read bar-codes, and you start shopping for products by their country of production.
2. You take a trip to Budapest and think you’ve been to heaven.
1. Sweeping your house with a bundle of twigs is an acceptable way to clean, as well as taking your rug out and beating it.